I'll be under the house 
So today, I’m on the front porch getting ready to go under the house to do some wiring when I hear 12 gunshots in rapid, even, succession from what sounds like a couple blocks away. Gunshots not being too common anymore in this neighborhood, I call 911.
I tell the operator I heard shots about 2 blocks away, and we then hammer out the details of what streets it could have been on so he can send a squad car to investigate. He takes all my info and then asks if they can call me back if they have any questions.
me: Sure, I won’t be near the phone for 45 minutes or so, I’ll be under the house.
911: Ma’am, you’ll be safe where you are if the shots were two blocks away. Do you want me to send a squad car to your house?
I then have to explain (between laughs) that I am going under the house to do electrical, not because of the shots.
